While I am admittedly not an astronomer, astrologist or an astrophysicist, I have been working on a theory of mine for the better part of the morning. I’ve googled for data, consulted my horoscope, taken precise measurements of space and weather conditions and “borrowed” an expensive looking scientific calculator from the office down the hall.

After entering a LOT of seemingly random strings of very large and very small numbers both real and imaginary, I have tested and proven my hypothesis: the sun has drifted off course and is at this moment approximately 13.381 meters directly above the point centered between my apartment in Washington, DC and my office in Rockville, MD.

In scientific terminology this phenomenon is known as being “hot as balls” outside.