Look out, it’s a lame meme!

This is one of those posts that I started but never published. It was begun in May. I’m re-doing my song selections and posting it now.

3 songs that sum up each day of your weekend.

FRIDAY // Sharped Dressed Man – ZZ Top:
I have an account on most Suit Fetish related websites, especially the free ones. One in particular, SuitAndTieFetishNetwork.com is free and has a pretty active user base that frequently posts photos of themselves. (I have one photo of myself, G-Rated, no face.) One of the guys lives in Baltimore and has been messaging me off and on for the last six to eight months about meeting up. He’s cute, seems really nice but the idea of meeting someone from a fetish website weirds me out a little. We started chatting on yahoo and decided to get a bite to eat. He wrote me an e-mail (at 5:20am Saturday morning no less) and suggested that we meet at the Crystal City Foodcourt.

He would be wearing a tuxedo.

I know, really? That was just too much. Luckily, it was a friends birthday party that night and I had a legitimate reason to cancel – although I think it still hurt his feelings. Maybe I’ll reschedule and suggest a more formal location and less formal dress code. I mean, I don’t even HAVE a suit right now.

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SATURDAY // Dancing Bear – The Mamas and The Papas:
After @duwhutnow’s insanely elaborate seventeen courselovely birthday dinner at Michael’s house last night, the five of us went to 9:30 Club for Blow Off, Bob Mould and Rich Morel’s traveling “music-centric gay dance party, drawing mainly, but not exclusively, men in their 30s and 40s.” Blow Off comes through DC every month or so and Michael and I have been trying to go for ages but either we change plans at the last minute or we don’t hear about it in time. I have to admit, I don’t like load, thumping, clubby dance music but I had a blast at BlowOff. The music wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be, the guys were pretty diverse and definitely skewed older, which I enjoyed. It was like a bear bar with dancier music, I’d totally go again.

Oh yeah, at one point Michael and a guy that I was trying my best to dance with forcibly took my shirt off and wouldn’t let me put it back on. Holy shit.

SUNDAY // Air Force Ones – Nelly:
This morning I went to “Family Day” at Alberto’s Air Force base. Free food, hot guys and Ice Cream. Need I say more?

My X-Tube Wishlist

Anyone who knows me or has read through my blog knows my fondness for all things x-tube. Despite my love for the site, there are several things that I think really need to be improved.

NOTE: You can pretty much assume that any links in this post are going to be:
!!! NOT SAFE FOR WORK !!!
(! Unless you work at x-tube !)

  • Separation of video and photo subscriptions. Why does my subscription list have “Unsubscribe” check boxes next to both of someone’s video and their photo feeds if when I select “Unsubscribe” next to just their photos and click “apply” their video subscription is removed as well? That’s just sloppy coding.
  • Bring back animated previews of videos. I liked being able to hover over a thumbnail and see random frames from throughout the video. It’s nice to see if that guy in the suit suddenly becomes naked after he gets fluffed or that “suit” in the title refers to a guy dressed like a hedgehog. (Hey, that’s not the kind of suits that I’m searching for!)
  • Speaking of freaky fetishes, I want filters. These would be used kind of like the opposite of subscriptions in that I would like to define keywords that i never want to see again.

    My top ten, in no particular order:

    1. sounding
    2. farting
    3. wheelchairs
    4. spiderman
    5. Vice Grips (NEW!
    6. wolf costumes
    7. sounding
    8. rain gear
    9. rosebuds
    10. vaginas

    I swear, one day I’m going to see someone dressed as Scooby Doo farting on a woman in a wheelchair wearing a raincoat sticking a metal rod in the penis of some dude dressed as Spiderman with his asshole turned inside out and I’m never going to touch myself again.

  • Chronological listing of subscriptions. The only reason I subscribe to people is so that I’ll know when they upload something new. Why does x-tube still make me scroll through 4 pages of videos from 3 years ago just to find the one new video that’s been posted? I’m already 20 minutes late for work, don’t make me hunt this shit down.
  • Let me view more than 10 pages of new videos. I never did understand this one — I’m a freaking porn addict and I can’t keep up with them all sometimes. I hate getting to that 10th page, knowing there’s more I haven’t seen since I last logged in but for some reason they wont let me go any further.. I’ve even tried changing the 10 to an 11 in the URL, hoping that I’ll find some hidden backdoor to more porn — the brown starfish of blue movies, if you will. But that doesn’t work. No means no.

If I think of anything else I’ll add them. What are some of your gripes about your favorite sites?

hedge

Labor day weekend

After the last couple hectic weeks at work it was a relief to have a nice, long three day weekend to relax and blow off some steam.

Saturday night I went to an impromptu dance party at @DCDebbie’s that was later dubbed #holdenittogether, after a mutual twitter friend that a lot of us follow (@AliHolden) lost her beloved dog earlier in the week. @DistrictOfRyan, @MikeSica, and @Claddah76 met me at Target and we (quite literally) stuffed ourselves into @BdgrLaw’s little Audi A4 and somehow reached Silver Spring, MD without being pulled over for impersonating a clown car.

Share photos on twitter with TwitpicOnce at Debbies I ate, I drank, I watched @rlybrg flawlessly recreate the videos for both Single Ladies and Got Me Bodied. I took a picture with my index finger knuckle-deep in @DCDebbie’s cleavage (coming soon, I’m sure.) It was an interesting night, to say the least.

Also in attendance were @urbanphish, @cubby1978, @jesserker, @DCPrincessQ, and @dupontdan. I’m missing some people, but I don’t remember their twitter names.

Notice who wasn’t there? That’s right, the person who the party was named after. I’m not quite sure what to make of that.

Sunday I was supposed to wake up and go see Inglourious Basterds with Tadd. He wasn’t feeling well so I decided to go by myself. Unfortunately my body had other plans – I wound up falling asleep watching TV and not getting off the sofa until almost 7. I did a little work on my bike and then went out for a couple drinks with @DistrictOfAris, @DupontDan, @DrGateWood and @MikeSica. I stayed out a little too late, missed my bus, and wound up walking home. At 2am. Cue Elvis Presley: “In the ghetto.”

I HAZ BRAKS NAO. I KAN STOPZ ON TEH HILZ

Today I just about finished building my bike up; it’s pretty much rideable now. Yes, it’s still kinda wobbly in some areas but since I don’t have the tools to fix the bottom bracket or the headset at the moment – I’ll head to the local bicycle co-op, The Bike House, this weekend and knock all that out. I’d still like to get some new cranks for it at some point, but the ones that are on there will work fine for now. I rode around the neighborhood for a bit but it started to rain so I cut it short and went back inside. It is surreal to be riding it after so long. It feels weird, riding a bike that’s actually the right size for me. :)

This evening I had dinner at City Lights of China with a really sweet guy I met a couple weekends ago. After dinner we got a drink at Larry’s on 18th street and chatted some more while people watching on the patio. It was a great night out and Larry’s is such a nice place to go to just chat without yelling over thumping music or suffering the usual drama that’s at most gay bars. Whenever I go there I always ask myself why I don’t go more often. I never have an answer.

On the way to my bus at 14th and P I stopped in at JRs to say hi to @MarkDC and @DCBrent. It was showtunes night so when Maybe This Time came on I couldn’t leave just yet. Then, as I was telling them goodbye, Harper Valley PTA came on and it just wouldn’t have been proper to exit until it was over.

An hour later I deftly made my escape when some crappy rendition of Man of La Mancha started. I mean really.

I’m totally not ready to go back to work. Can’t I just have one more day off? :)

Most ghetto salad bar in the world.

After work for the last two weeks or so I’ve been stopping at the Giant Grocery that’s conveniently between the Metro station and my place. Each evening I go there and get a salad from the salad bar. It’s nothing special, but I figure it’s healthier than most of my other options and it’s only $2.68 – with dressing. Easy win, right?

Last night I witnessed the most ghetto salad bar patron in the world.

Curlers? Check. Shower cap? Check. Slippers? Check.

I swear, if the Giant allowed smoking, she would have had a cigarette in her mouth. She was standing in front of all three varieties of greens, blocking my access to all of them. She picked used spinach tongs and proceeded to pick not only the spinich but then used them to shuffle the Iceberg and Romaine around like she was looking for something int he bottom. Occasionally she’d toss a leaf or something from the buckets to her container, but mostly she just appeared to want to take up space and be annoying. She succeed.

When she was finally bored playing with the greens, she THREW THE FUCKING TONGS into the bucket of spinach so full of apathy it was practically utensil neglect, if there was such a thing. Why she hated those tongs so much, I’ll never understand. It doesn’t seem like much, but it was such a blatant disregard for the fact that I was probably going to use them in, oh, 20 seconds.

I could almost hear her thinking “Take your fucking tongs, asshole.”

Next, she moved on to the other parts of the salad bar. She used the same tongs for the shredded cheddar, the blue cheese and the shredded carrots. She used the same scoop for the croutons and the broccoli. It wasn’t the fact that the was doing it necessarily — I’m sure I’ve accidentally done this as well — it was just the dissociation she had with everyone waiting for her to finish while doing it.

By the time she left there were croutons in the broccoli, cheese in the lettuce, broccoli in the cucumbers. There was sunflower seeds in with the carrots, cauliflower in the feta. She just fucked the whole salad bar up, throwing food and tongs around like she owned the place.

I so so happy to see her close the lid of her plastic container and walk away that I hardly cared that she drug a piece of broccoli through the vat of cottage cheese and popped it in her mouth as she left.