It’s been some time since I’ve updated the blog and visits are down to 10-20 a week – I feel anonymous again. I missed being able to post here without a mention of it in the day after. It could serve a purpose once again. Maybe I can speak publicly without anyone hearing – that was important to me at one time.
Lately I’ve been been slipping back into my old routines – during the week I spend my evenings online and the weekends are spent either online or out drinking. I’m definitely starting to feel a measure of loneliness creeping back into my life. As much as I love living in DC I miss the connection I had with my friends in New Orleans.
Ironic, but breaking up with with my most recent boyfriend has made me miss my previous ex even more. While dating A I completely avoided contact with B for fear of feelings resurfacing and now, spending time with B has made me quite sad. It’s tough to accept your feelings for someone will not be returned.
After a year has passed it’s more than obvious I should move on. My friends say I should cut contact altogether but really – that’s easier said than done. Especially when I don’t have that sense of connection with anyone else in the city. I just want to be friends but yet I constantly look for signs of more. Signs that never seem to materialize.
So, here I am, 3:31am and drunk, feeling sorry for myself and feeling even more stupid for doing so.