Many props to Rachelle for sending me this old BBS.LOG file. In case you were unaware of it, before the internet there were hundreds of BBS systems that people could call and post messages, upload files that others could then read, reply to and download (messages and files, respectively.) These BBS reached a certain level of subculture all to their own. I had many friends that I only knew via posts on various boards. I met some of them at BBS Gatherings… but mostly I knew them by their posts and by their Aliases: Steveo, Fuckhead, Gunner, Cerridwen, Snaker, Big Dog, Taint, Trader john, Firestorm, Mr. Hoohah, Towelhead, Jezebel, J. Homes, Riff Raff, Shinobi, Raccoon, Ducky, Circuit… Here’s hoping some of them happen upon the site via googling one of them. If you do.. Dead Air says hello. :)
And now, the BBS.LOG. If you don’t understand what any of this means, or if you don’t think any of it’s funny – you’re not supposed to. You had to be there.
PROCOMM PLUS Ready!
/V42BIS
Ugly Truth…….
Rated NC-17
You have encountered Ugly Truth, home of Destin Destruction. We ask no
quarter; we give no quarter.
Enter number or name or ‘NEW’
NN: CHELLER
PW: XXXXX
PH: ###-###-XXXX
This is Ugly Truth, but you knew that.
Last few callers:
Number Handle Language Time Date Speed ##
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
14251 Omegaman #351 English 16:32 01/19
14400/LAPM/V.42bis 1
14252 Raccoon #80 English 19:26 01/19
2400/LAPM/V.42bis 2
14253 Nubie #66 English 19:48 01/19
14400/LAPM/V.42bis 2
14254 Cerridwen #86 English 21:25 01/19
14400/LAPM/V.42bis 1
Auto message by: Boss Moss #1
Whatever you do, don’t miss Chrome’s
“Anal Midget” post.
Name/Handle……. Cheller #316
Time allowed on… 120
[PAUSE] Last visit…… 01/17/96
???v?? currently… NOT Available
System is……… WWIV v4.23 (Unregistered)
IceNet node……. @5416 (net33)
Instance………. 1
T – 01:59:53
[1] [End of an Era] :
T – 01:59:53
[1] [End of an Era] :
T – 01:59:50
[1] [End of an Era] :S
52 msgs on End of an Era
Start listing at? 1
(1) Well my friends… ? Boss Moss #1 @5416
(2) Lotsa ? >Joe Ugly< (3) K00L PRENK ? Gunner #14 @5416
(4) Hi, I'm Harpua... ? >Joe Ugly< (5) I'm the Duckster ? >Joe Ugly< (6) Wobbling through infinity ? Happy Dog Potatohead #103
(7) Details... ? Inigo Montoya #160 @5416
(8) Oh, by the way. ? Nubie #66 @5416
(9) I had a strange dream last night. ? J. Holmes #170 @5416
(10) ya want oxymorons, ya got's em... ? Cerridwen #86 @5416
(11) I don't have the exchange rate in front of ? Gunner #14 @5416
(12) That's crap. ? J. Holmes #170 @5416
(13) MURPHY'S LAW OF COMBAT ? Chrome #280 @5416
(14) This is really sick! ? Loop #233 @5416
(15) I've Actually seen... ? Skater #18 @5416
(16) HA!!! ? The Doctor #112 @5416
(17) Lionel Dahmer (Jeffrey's Dad) ? Steveo #1 @5416
(18) Jeffrey Dahmer ? Steveo #1 @5416
(19) Nancy Kerrigan: ? Steveo #1 @5416
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1/52: Well my friends...
Name: Boss Moss #1 @5416
Date: Tue Jan 16 20:59:35 1996
This is it. It's the End of an Era [tm]. After 4 years, Ugly Truth is going the way of the radio generation. We're OUTTA here. I'm not so sure what I'm going to do when I get home from work or slip off into the bedroom, which used to be my favorite times to check the day's log and get a quick n-scan in. And, I really don't want to do this, but I'd rather the Truth committed suicide than it completely outgrow its usefulness.
So, in these regards, I have captured some of the Original [tm] "Greatest Hits" of the Ugly Truth. Unfortunately, all those old posts by the likes of Grendel and Vince Lombardi have long since scrolled off the message subs. One of my favorite long-gonners was the initial RrR post by Dee Tox which read, 'Roses are red. Violets are blue. Suck my dick or I'll kill you.' It was simple, yet it portrayed all the chaos we stood for. I hope the 60 selections that follow, call to mind some others. Do yourself a favor and read as many of them as you can. The board will be up another week or so, and hopefully, everyone who needs to call is able to do so.
In parting, I'd like to thank you all for the four years. Everyone who ever [PAUSE] called and was worth a shit, ended up with a decent access level as gratitude. Some others made it to sysop, and Lord knows, we had more sysops than anybody. But in the end, the Faithful Four were Mrs. Moss, ? Gunner ?, **Jezebel**, and Forkhead, without whom, this board wouldn't have been shit. I want to thank everyone else individually for all the contributions both from hosting aspects, and for Network (Towelhead) help.
I guess out of everyone, I'm probably going to miss ? Gunner ? the most. I'll see him around town and eventually get to his web page, but it may take some. He and I are totally different, but in so many ways we're the same. Hopefully, college life will open you up to booze and we can drink heavily and often. Thanks bud, and thank you all.
Anyone who needs anything further just e-mail me. If you need to get in touch for any reason, our number is 243-9035 for at least the next two months.
Thanks again. Oh, and the NFL Trashtalk Sub which is hosted here, is being graciously taken over by Firestorm.
- Peace til next time, ???v??!
[1] [End of an Era]
[PAUSE] Read:(1-52,^1),? :
2/52: Lotsa
Name: >Joe Ugly< Date: >Joe Ugly< Are we near the end of these LOTSA SUBS???
[1] [End of an Era]
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3/52: K00L PRENK
Name: Gunner #14 @5416
Date: Sun Sep 04 22:16:27 1994
Once, I tried to convince my cousin that she was Fenway Park, but it didn't work. So don't try it. It's impossible.
? Gunner ?
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4/52: Hi, I'm Harpua...
Name: >Joe Ugly< Date: >Joe Ugly< and I have never actually drank any of those cool sounding, expensive beers that I claim to... I usually whip up a batch of Tang before I log on.
Love the powder at the bottom, and it's durn cheap too!!!
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5/52: I'm the Duckster
Name: >Joe Ugly< Date: >Joe Ugly< and the Boss Man should just save a lot of time and trouble by limiting my access to the Garbage Pail Sub only.
__------__
Puckie
--______--
the other white meat
[1] [End of an Era]
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6/52: Wobbling through infinity
Name: Happy Dog Potatohead #103 @5416
Date: Sat Sep 03 00:59:04 1994
Have you ever thought about chromium ducks? Not really, eh? Nor have I. Well, once when I dropped acid and I shut my eyes I saw millions of chromium ducks floating across the viewscreen that sits behind my eyelids when I'm tripping. It was all rather peaceful actually. Just the chromium ducks floating through the blue sky with the sun glinting off their shiny hides. They didn't quack or flap they just floated shiny and magnificent, millions of them, all the nonexistent chromium ducks in the nonexistent clear blue sky lit up by the nonexistent sun in the imaginary world behind my eyelids.
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7/52: Details...
Name: Inigo Montoya #160 @5416
Date: Sat Dec 10 15:10:53 1994
RE: Details...
BY: Boss Moss #1 @5416
>I have the Celtic/Heraldic crest of my family name on my left shoulder.
>I have a left wing on my left wing, and a dragon bringing the two together.
I have:
Ramones logo on right shoulder
ABBA(R) logo on left shoulder
“Skanky dude” with “Hyuh-hyuh” under that..
Peace sign under that
A cute bat (not a teepee) on left forearm
666 on left leg
heart on left knee
7-4-92 [?] on left calf
DK on left ankle
Bad religion logo under that
A cute raccoon on right leg
[PAUSE] RAMONES on right knee
A 5 petaled flower on right calf
Tiangles on outside of right calf
A Skanky dude on right ankle
SPELUNK OR DIE! under that with a crossed flashlight and pick next yo it
I think that’s all…
—–
Agnetha, Benny, Bj?rn, Annafrid
ABBA
The supergroup of supergroups
-Inigo
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8/52: Oh, by the way.
Name: Nubie #66 @5416
Date: Sun Jan 01 10:30:03 1995
Happy New Year to everyone. I can’t think of a better first connect in ’95 than right here on ol’ UT. Hippie’s, bongers, waste-oids, drunks, musicians, and even a couple of Republicans. There’s no place I’d rather be.
There’s no place like home.
Nubie
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9/52: I had a strange dream last night.
Name: J. Holmes #170 @5416
Date: Mon Jan 09 08:45:24 1995
This bbs stuff is getting to me.
I dreamed that Chrysalis hired me to guard her house because she had seen Dingo stalking her. No, I was not high last night. This is legit.
I remember casing her house and looking for Dingo. Suddenly, Dingo appeared.
His paleness gave him away in the pitch blackness. When I tackled the guy, all he could say was “Bjorn, Annafrid. Bjorn, Annafridmy{EY{rt(.”
It was not a restful sleep.
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10/52: ya want oxymorons, ya got’s em…
Name: Cerridwen #86 @5416
Date: Mon Feb 28 19:33:47 1994
military intelligence, light heavyweight, jumbo shrimp, painless dentistry, drag race, friendly fire, justice renquist, criminal justice, bittersweet, permanent temporary, amtrac schedule, genuine imitation, mandatory option, protective custody, limited nuclear war, dear occupant, standard deviation, freezer burn, pretty ugly, industrial park, loyal opposition, eternal life, natural additives, student teacher, education television, president bush, non-working mother, active reserves, full price discount, limited immunity, death benefits, upside down, original copy, random order, irrational logic, holy shit, president reagan, business ethics, slightly pregnant, holy wars, consistently inconsistent, almost new, half dead, supreme court, even odds, baby grand, inside out, fresh frozen, moral majority, truth in advertising, baked alaska, united nations, forceable rape, good grief, friendly takeover, plastic glasses, peacekeeping missiles, somewhat addicted, science fiction, open secret, unofficial record, tax return, fellow sisters, negative income, moderate conservative, child psychiatrist, tragic comedy, prison reform, male intelligence, wargames, real margarine, recreatuional drugs, civil war, false positive, virgin acrylic, white chocolate.
[PAUSE] and do not forget…Blow Job…
[1] [End of an Era]
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11/52: I don’t have the exchange rate in front of me…
Name: Gunner #14 @5416
Date: Thu Oct 13 16:21:36 1994
I’m not making any of these things up…
University of Nebraska-Kearney Antelopes
Augsburg College Auggies
University of California-Santa Cruz Banana Slugs
Ohio Wesleyan University Battling Bishops
North Carolina Wesleyan University Battling Bishops
Regis College Beacons
Savannah College of Art and Design Bees
St. Mary’s Belles
Illinois College Blue Boys
University of Arkansas-Monticello Boll Weevils
University of Central Oklahoma Bronchos
Pratt Institute Canoneers
University of St. Thomas Celts
Concordia College Cobbers
Franklin & Marshall Diplomats
Williams College Ephmen
[PAUSE] Swarthmore College Garnet
Evergreen State University Geoducks
Johnson C. Smith Golden Bulls
Gustavus Adolphus University Golden Gusties
South Dakota Schools of Mines and Technology Hardrockers
Oregon Institute of Technology Hustlin’ Owls
Tufts University Jumbos
College of St. Catherine Katies
Lemoyne-Owen Magicians
University of Chicago Maroons
Bryn Mawr Mawrters
Southwestern College Moundbuilders
And that’s just A-M…
? Gunner ?
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12/52: That’s crap.
Name: J. Holmes #170 @5416
Date: Tue Jan 10 08:31:41 1995
RE: I HAVE STILL NEVER SEEN.
BY: Ziggy Stardust #210 @5416
Orientals don’t have sideways vaginas. If ya don’t believe me, ask one to slide down a railing. You won’t hear her going bububububuubububububububb.
[1] [End of an Era]
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13/52: MURPHY’S LAW OF COMBAT
Name: Chrome #280 @5416
Date: Thu Apr 06 12:36:19 1995
Response To: BIG SWOLL #353 @5416
Here’s something that I saw that I’d like to share. I think it will
really appeal to those of you with a morbid sense of humor.
MURPHY’S LAW OF COMBAT
1. You are not superman.
2. If it’s stupid, but works, it isn’t stupid.
3. Don’t look conspicuous. It draws fire. (This is why aircraft
carriers are called “Bomb Magnets”)
4. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
5. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
6. Never forget that you weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
7. If your attack is going really well, it’s an ambush.
8. No plan survives the first contact intact.
9. All 5 second grenade fuses will burn down in 3 seconds.
[PAUSE] 10. Try to look unimportant because the bad guys may be
low on ammo.
11. If you forward your position, the artilary will fall short.
12. The enemy diversion that you ignore is the main attack.
13. The important things are always simple.
14. The simple things are always hard.
15. The easy way is always mined.
16. If you are short of everything except enemy, you are in combat.
17. When you have secured an area, don’t forget to tell the enemy.
18. Incoming fire has the right of way.
19. Friendly fire – isn’t.
20. If the enemy is in range, “SO ARE YOU!!!”.
21. No combat ready unit has passed inspection.
22. Beer math is: 2 X 37 people = 39 cases.
23. Body count math is: 2 Guerillas + 1 portable + 2 pigs = 37 enemy
killed in action.
24. Things that must be together to work usually can’t be shipped
together.
25. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately.
26. Anything you do can get you shot – including doing nothing.
27. Tracers work both ways.
28. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming
friendly fire.
29. Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you can’t get out.
30. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have
[PAUSE] more than your fair share of objectives to take.
31. When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are
both right.
32. Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
33. Murphy was a grunt.
hehehe…..
since-beer-leekz,
Chrome
—
QMPro 1.0 23-4733 ? REAL REJECTION: Your imaginary friends won’t talk to you!
WWIVMail/QWK 4.52 [EVALUATION COPY]: UGLY TRUTH
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14/52: This is really sick!
Name: Loop #233 @5416
Date: Mon Jan 17 19:14:19 1994
About four years ago,a friend of mine and myself went to Fun Arcade on Vets. No…we’re not dweebs.) We were very bored.We said,”Hey!Let’s waste our money!!…Yeah!” So we were playing this game and we smelled the worst smell that either one of us had ever,ever,ever smelled in our entire lives!
Unquestionablly,it was a fecal thing!
So we look to our left…AND THIS GIRL IS STARING AT US!!!!!
SMILING!!!!!!
There are only two conclusions:
1) She DID IT and wanted us to know!!!!!
OR
2) She though ONE OF US did it…….AND SHE LIKED IT!!!!!
AAARRRRRRrrrrrraaaaahhhhh!!!!!!
[PAUSE]
[1] [End of an Era]
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15/52: I’ve Actually seen…
Name: Skater #18 @5416
Date: Wed Mar 09 02:19:33 1994
RE: True.
BY: Inigo Montoya #160 @5416
A mime get so pissed that he didn’t get money in his hat after performing that he cursed out the audience. People laughed and walked away saying stuff like, “hey, I thought mimes were supposed to be silent! You suck dude! You don’t deserve any money for that! A mime who talks? No way!”
—–
Skater!!!
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16/52: HA!!!
Name: The Doctor #112 @5416
Date: Thu Jun 09 06:41:05 1994
RE: You’re sick. (G)
BY: Skater #18 @5416
Last year, I had a roach in my room.. I ran out the room BEGGING my mom to come kill it. She said, and I quote:
“Good lord Vincent, you’re 19 now… go kill the damn thing yourself!”
So, I sat there in the hallway, and threw.. if I can remember::
two pairs of shoes
my brothers boots
a plastic thing for my walkman
I sprayed about 3/4ths of a can of RAID on it…
I beat it with a broom
then I tried to pick it up with a little roller-broom thing
but the broom thing didnt work, so I had to get the vacumm.
[PAUSE]
I hate roaches.
THeD0CT0R
—–
This tagline is NOTasking you to call PEACEFUL DEATH bbs at 454-1863.
If i
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17/52: Lionel Dahmer (Jeffrey’s Dad)
Name: Steveo #1 @5416
Date: Wed Mar 09 00:09:10 1994
“It makes me sick that we didn’t have more of an Ozzy and Hariet
family” ???v??
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18/52: Jeffrey Dahmer
Name: Steveo #1 @5416
Date: Wed Mar 09 00:12:03 1994
“From 15 years on, my thoughts were unspeakable”
“We talked, had drinks, I knocked him out and that was the 1st time.”
“The killing was a means to an end and the least satisfactory part, that’s why I tried to make Human Zombies.”
On Cannibalism