I am not really a stalker. Really.

Every once in a while I’ll do something that seems a lot more creepy than I mean it to be, like taking a picture of some guy sitting next to me talking to his girlfriend(?) at Clover Grill.
Cutest. Man. EVAR.
I worked a shift at Lafitte’s tonight and he came in around 3 am with his lady friend. I remarked to the bartenders that he was the cutest. man. ever. and of course, me being the mutant that I am, they totally didn’t see it. Anyway, he kept walking in and out of the bar for some reason, I think they were getting beer to drink with their Clover Grill burgers – cause I saw them walking in there as well.

So anyway, I got off of work around 6am and went to Clover for some dinner and what do you know… they were still there. Waiting for me, obviously. So anyway, I pretended like I was checking my voice mail and took this picture of him. Creepy, I know.

Hopefully, if you see this and are totally creeped out, you won’t like gay e-bash me or something. Or… if my dreams come true and you’re a homo too – e-mail me! :)

INT: Gay bar, the day after Christmas

I am standing next in front of the fireplace when all of a sudden this gaunt black woman taps me on the arm and mumbled something I assume to be her name. It sounded like “Muhbalah” but that didn’t really make any sense. Although I wasn’t sure what she had said, I told her my name was Vincent just in case:

Muhbalah: Nice to meet you. It’s cold huh. COLD!
Me: Yeah, got to love the fire huh?
Muhbalah: Nice and warm. WARM!
Me: Yeah. Um, you from here? (not much else to say)
Muhbalah: (Suddenly angry) Yeah I’m from here, where you think I’m from? (She shows me the medical band on her wrist. The following was all said in one breath, pausing only to say ‘ya heard’ for no reason.) I just out the hospital but I’m ok I’m ok ya heard? I just got out but I’m ok didn’t hurt too bad but you know sometimes I just don’t stop when I get mad ya heard? some people got that voice inside that says you gotta stop you gotta stop ya heard? i don’t have that so sometimes I don’t stop I don’t stop ya heard?

I don’t remember anything else she said because I immediately pretended like my phone had vibrated so I could leave the bar.

Hermaphroditic deer with seven legs ‘tasty’

Wisconsin hunter bags odd beast with pickup in driveway, eats it

Rick Lisko hunts deer with a bow but got his most unusual one driving his truck down his mile-long driveway. The young buck had nub antlers — and seven legs. Lisko said it also had both male and female reproductive organs. “It was definitely a freak of nature,” Lisko said. “I guess it’s a real rarity.”

…and people think me sucking a dick is gross. This dude ate fucking spider-deer roadkill.