The reports of my depression are greatly exagerated

I’ve been getting e-mails from people who think I’ve gone off the deep end and am approaching a Brian Wilson degree of bummedoutness. I assure you, the things I spew out on this blog are usually whatever I’m obsessing about at the moment and usually pass by the time I sober up wake up the next morning. Sadly, there will be no Pet Sounds emerging from my bedroom anytime soon.

On another note, I licked the newly bald head of my friend Randy the other night.

Drunken thoughts at 3:14am Saturday morning

Went out to dinner with a friend tonight and found I was talking mostly about the past several relationships I’ve been into. Dan, Kevin and the current. I probably came off a little boring and self absorbed, but that’s because lately I have been a little boring and self absorbed. Lots of things swirling around in my noggin and I’m trying to make sense of it all: Life, Love & the Little things that get me down.

Life: What am I going to be doing in the next few months? I have a number of things that I’d like to do. I have some t-shirt ideas I want to bring to fruition before Southern Decadance. I would like to get back into school, any school, any class. I would like to visit alberto in D.C. I would like to learn to skateboard, having been a poseur in highschool but too afraid then to actually try it with any consistency. I would like to find a second job that I enjoy that actually pays me.

Love: This is a confusing one for me. Do I listen to the people that say I’m delusional and chasing a dream or follow my heart that says good things come to those who wait?

I cried tonight on the way home from the quarter; had to stop at the corner of Burgundy and Esplanade to wipe the rings from the streetlights. It’s been a while since that happened.

Little things that get me down: I almost got doored the other night and the woman called me a fucking asshole for riding in the street; she almost killed me and I’m the asshole. Someone called me a fucking faggot a little while ago. I assume because I was sitting on the curb wiping tears from my eyes. Straight people don’t cry, you see.

How incredibly emo of me.

Lydia just put her head on my keyboard and started to purr; I’m feeling better already.

Just wish I could hug more than a cat tonight.

PS: Read this quick. I’ll probably see this post tomorrow and delete it.

… and I didn’t turn into a pillar of salt

Last night I was talking to Andy and he mentioned that he was going to a friend’s church this morning. I said that sounded interesting, him visiting a friend’s church, and he invited me to join them. Out of curiosity I decided to go along.

OK, and it was an excuse to spend time with him.

Now, a few years ago this would have garnished the same reaction from me as asking if I would like to go to a meeting of the flat earth society. I now find of great intrest most things spiritual and religious, if for no other reason than one shouldn’t not believe in what one doesn’t learn about.

So, Andy, his friends Cheryl and Craig and myself went to sunday mass at Trinity Episcopal Church. It was interesting and I, dispite being an openly gay atheist, didn’t burst into flames, get struck by lightning or turn into a pillar of salt.

I thought I was looking pretty sharp in my blue shirt and blue rep tie and andy was cute as always in a white shirt.

My favorite part of the service was, as was the last time I went, the part where everyone shakes hands and says “peace be with you” like they really mean it.

I found the mood set by the organ during the pseudo cannibalistic blood ritual communion was quite ominous and foreboding. I still would like to visit Andy’s church just so I can see/hear him lead the choir in greek orthodox chanting. Never heard it in person and I’m actually pretty curious what goes on.

The sermon was about the definition of the Kingdom of God. Mustard seeds, baptismed humans, etc. It was interesting to listen to, but it conjured memories of my youth, sitting in Mrs. Cook’s classroom wanting to ask questions and express my disagreement with the dogma – but being afraid that I’d just wind up getting kicked out of class again.

I’m glad I went though.

Never Refuse A Free Drink (or 13)

I think my grandmother once told me that. Then again, she was always so drunk you couldn’t really understand her.

Last night I made my usual Tuesday Night trip to the Pub for Video Request Night. I had my Obligatory Diet Cokes and was bored an hour after realising they moved Request Night to Wednesday. As I’m walking out the door I see a bar-friend of mine, Randy, who I haven’t seen out in a couple of months. Randy is a music geek like myself, so we always have fun talking about whatever video is on the screen.. who they are, who origianlly did the song, what we were doing the first time we heard it, stuff like that. Since I had company I decided to get screwdriver (1) drink. As I finish my cocktail Randy suggests we go to 80’s Night at Lafittes. As it’s only 9:30 and I didn’t feel like riding home just yet, I agree.

We get to Lafittes and he buys me a Double Kettle One Screwdriver (hereafter refered to as a DKOS.) I finish this, and he buys me another.

Who am I to not follow dear old grandmother’s advice?

After this second DKOS the bartender asks us if we want a shot.

Randy says yes.

It’s basically a concentrated Cosmopolitan, and it was much more than a shot. It was like, half the damn cup.

After I do the shot, there is still half a DKOS in my cup and randy is almost done with his. Randy then says “Bartender. I want something that is going to fuck me up.”

The bartender makes us a Double Tequila Sunrise (hereafter referered to as the kiss of death.)

We drink the kiss of death.

Randy procedes to buy me another fucking DKOS.

It’s like, midnight now, and I’m pretty much toast at this point so I get a diet coke and a water to try to sober up. Oh, and another DKOS. The bartender then asks if we want to try a drink he just made up. I’m not sure what it was, but there was a lot of it. This drink will hereafter be referered to as The Last Thing I Remember.

Next thing I know, Randy is waking me up at the bar, rolling me into a cab and shouting my address.

The entire cab ride home I am repeating to myself “Don’t pass out, don’t throw up. Don’t pass out, don’t throw up.”

I get home safely 5 minutes later. The cab driver giggles as I hand him whatever money is in my pocket ($30 for a $6 fare?) and I stumble to the curb and throw up in my front yard.


Ohmyfuckinggawd it’s like I was in highschool again. Except I didn’t drink in highschool.

In my defense I had the equivilent of 13 drinks and two shots in about 4.5 hours. OMG that’s fucking stupid once I see that in writing. What was I thinking???

Random Sober Thoughts at 3am

I went to see X-Men III tonight with Marshall, Carlos, the Jasons and Julie. It was actually pretty good for a typical blockbuster action movie sequel based on a comic book series.

I got home from work literally moments before Julie arrived to pick me up so all I had time to do was splash some water on my face, comb my hair and grab a jacket in case it was cold int he theater. Now, I don’t think I’ve mentioned it on here but lately, thanks to Carlos, I’ve developed a jacket obsession. I think I’ve “won” about 8 or 9 sportcoats on eBay in the last few months. Since it’s been so hot the last few weeks I was happy to be going out in an air conditioned environment that didn’t involve a half hour bicycle ride to get there. I was finally able to wear one of said jackets. Of course, everyone wanted to know why I was so dressed up… it’s weird to be like “oh, I just wanted to wear this.”

Like I’ve said before, I’m definately trying to transform my (self) image so it’s hard sometimes to do so with people who are so used to me dressing in crappy, bike grease soaked khakis and t-shirts all the time. They always want to know what job I interviewed for. :)

I like to joke that I changed after watching a month of What Not To Wear while we were evacuated but it’s so true. Having to buy new clothes definately made me adjust how I thought of myself. I suddenly have to uphold this new image I’m presenting.

Not sure why I’m posting this – just came to my mind.

Anyway, when I was just getting ready to put up my laptop I saw this video preview in the video chat program I use and thought it was a neat effect. Here’s a bit of me being stupid for those of you who haven’t seen me in a while:

Spinning Around

(right click and “… save as”)