I think I was gay-bashed. Or bald-bashed.

I was riding home from the quarter Friday Morning and stopped at Tastee Donuts to get some kastle-burgers for breakfast. (I was hungry OK, don’t judge.)

Afterwards, I was unlocking my bike and stopped for a second to clear my throat – probably a rogue re-hydrated onion stuck in my throat or something. So I cough to the side (didn’t cover my mouth) and notice that about 7 or 8 feet in front of me, not in the direction of my cough, this odd looking man is staring at me. Like ‘if-looks-could-kill’ kind of staring at me. I go back to unlocking my bike and while waiting for the light to turn green I see him across the street fucking staring at me again.

I ride a block and a half toward my apartment and cross the street so that I can stop at CCs and use their Wi-Fi. I see the creepy guy crossing the street in front of me. I pass by him, giving him the ‘butch hello nod’ that straight guys like to do and he returns with a ‘you fucking homosexual bastard.’

errrrrrrrt. (that’s the sound of a needle sliding off a record.)

I skid to a stop and say, in my butchest voice ‘excuse me?!’

‘You heard me, homosexual.’

A wha? What is this guy’s problem?

In fact, I asked him that very same question: ‘what is YOUR fucking problem?’

I want answers and I want them now.

‘I heard you cough at me, you faggot.’
Now, I don’t know what’s more disturbing… that I’m getting gay-bashed because I *coughed* or that he could tell I was gay by the way I cleared my throat.

I don’t have a gay cough, do I? It’s not like I was all ‘*cough cough* heaaay!’

‘I was clearing my throat, asshole.’
I actually said that, trying to be all manly and intimidating. Instead, I was so nervous and pumped full of adrenaline that my voice went up an octave and I was shaking like a little girl.

‘Yeah right, you fat receding hairline bastard.’
Now, at this point I am in full-on WTF MODE. If I had my pepper spray with me, I would have maced this asshole and kicked him in the nuts. Instead I called him a douchebag and rode my bike down the block and hid in CCs until he walked by.