Because I’m just that tragic (and a little bit drunk.)

I just committed the worst on-line personals sin possible, if not the tackiest. I just sent a third (yes, third) message to someone that has yet to respond to my original reply to his ad. In some weird and delusional way I feel like I am at least owed a ‘no thanks’ Quick Message seeing that I PAID the $30 subscription fee specifically to reply to his ad earlier in the month. He was kind of cute, and had things like “I’m a nice, friendly guy” and “just say hello if you like” in his ad. I’ve placed ads on tons of personals sites over the year and if there’s any phrase that’s over-used it’s “just say hello.”

Of course, even as I was typing “not even a ‘no thanks?” and clicked send, I knew it was going to make me look totally pathetic and desperate but I felt like I was at least speaking up for all the other totally pathetic and desperatelonely guys on these sites.

Banksy, is that you?

And if it is, why could I not have visited New Orleans THIS week instead of last month?

Jonno has been Banksy hunting through the streets of New Orleans and has posted photos of his findings on his jonnodotcom Flickr photostream.

So. Fucking. Cool.

While I’m not a huge fan of graf, I really respect Banksy because he’s not just scribbling his name on a wall or spray painting huge murals of illegible text. Don’t get me wrong, there’s graf out there that is more than that, but Banksy is probably the most recognizable and respected graf artist to come around in a long time. His pieces are usually political in nature, even if they don’t immediately seem to be. It’s kind of a big deal he’s in the city, somewhere.

Click the screenshot to go to jonno’s flickr set.

Click here to see more of his stuff I like

/me paints himself green and runs around in a circle, flailing his arms and screaming like Kermit The Frog.

OK bitches. It’s on like Donkey Kong:

[Nerdcore Rising] is opening at a theatre in College Park, MD! It’s an art house cinema situated on the campus of the University of Maryland. Ain’t that something! The movie opens on Friday Sept. 5th and it will be screening on a schedule that will be revealed to the public sometime at the end of this week or early next week. The more people see the movie in its first week, the more likely it is that we’ll go into a second week… so try to catch it early. To the University of MD students that have been requesting this film, we salute you! For ticket info please go here:

Nerdcore Rising.
(Documentary about Nerdcore and MC Frontalot)
September 5th.
Hoff Theater.
College Park, Maryland.

Anyone care to join me?

Not ashamed, but not proud

I went out Saturday night with Randy and his friend Jason. We were thinking about going to JRs but opted instead for the nightly tragedy that is Omega. I have to admit I have a soft spot in my colon for Omega, as it’s probably the most “New Orleansy” bar in DC. Yes, that is supposed to be a back-handed complement. On a scale of tragicness it’s somewhere between Lafitte’s and Corner Pocket.

Hmmm. Let me re-phrase that.

If Lafitte’s and Corner Pocket conceived a bar on the pool table in the backroom of Rawhide, nine months later Omega would pop out of someone’s ass.

In a good way.

When there’s a good crowd at Omega the first floor is usually filled with the more uppity segment of Omega’s clientèle, standing around a big rectangular bar ogling muscley-fat strippers who wave their banana-hammocks in your face while you try to order a drink (that’s the Corner Pocket part.) Like Rawhide and Corner Pocket, it’s easier to start a conversation at Omega since people there are usually less guarded than at places like JRs or Halo, where the guys are more concerned about how their hair looks than actually meeting anyone new. People seem a little more friendly at Omega (that’s not necessarily a good thing) and I’ve managed to meet a couple guys there and talked for a while.

Of course, I never heard from them again, but you know.. at least I got a name and fake number!

Now, upstairs at Omega is a full-on freak fest. It’s like Lafitte’s but with a nicer bathroom and less leather. There’s porn playing in a weird room that everyone stands around and watches (I haven’t seen anyone getting jiggy with it though… they seem to be genuinely interested in the porn.. go figure.) This is where I saw the Peaches/Miss Piggy “Fuck The Pain Away” video for the first time. It’s how the previous generation remembers exactly where they were when Kennedy was shot except this isn’t the greatest leader of our time being assassinated, it’s footage of pig puppet manipulated to look as if it’s masturbating.

Same difference.

Anyway, I spent 25 minutes upstairs getting yelled at in Italian by some guy who apparently date(d?)s some big-wig food critic for the Post. Actually, he was trying to teach me some “necessary Italian phrases,” but all I remember is him rubbing my nipples and yelling “prego!” at me for a half hour. His insane, drunk friend was from Brazil and was fascinated by Randy’s t-shirt because it was green and had a bird on it. He gave Randy a hug and screamed “You like the Brazil, right!? I FROM BRAZIL! I Love this!”

He did. He loved this. For 40 minutes.

Around 2am after we ditched the Italian linguist and Brazilian envionmentalist, Randy and Jason left and I started talking to this guy who later invited me to Annie’s for a burger with his friends. They wondered home afterwards and I made my way to the Metro. No kiss or anything but I got his number so hopefully I’ll get to see him again. He seemed nice, through my drunken stupor.

Speaking of drunken stupor, I fell asleep on the train on the way home and woke up at 4:30am in Greenbelt.

“Fell asleep” sounds so much nicer than “Passed out,” right?

After getting into a semantics debate with a cab driver, I wound up paying $40 bucks to get home. Honestly, I still don’t even know where Greenbelt is, it could be around the corner from my house.

So, how was your weekend?

Got your tickets?

Ok, so two weeks have gone by and I’ve been to the gym 8 times. Five nights last week and then every night this week except for last night because they closed early. I have to admit (believe me I never though I would say this — although technically I’m not really saying it, I’m typing it) … I’m starting to look forward to working out.

My big issue with the whole “gym” and “working out” thing is that there is so much contradictory information on the subject available online and magazines. I’m not trying to be Mr. Multiverse, I’m just trying to plan my work outs without crippling myself, but there doesn’t seem to be anything out there general enough for fat people who just want to lose weight. Everything assumes either you’re stupid and expect overnight success and therefore condescendingly barrage you with statistics about how hard it is to lose weight (but yet so simple) or they think everyone wants to be a Olympian. (Obligatory Olympics reference, go USA!)

I’m not letting this discourage me though, I figure as long as nothing hurts in a painful way, it can’t be that bad. lol

Some sites will tell you to do strength training first, some say do cardio first. Some say break your cardio into 10-15 chunks and do strength training between them. Some say eat after you work out, some say don’t. It’s really ridiculous. I do notice that they tend to offer advice that corresponds to whatever ads are on their site.

I’ve been told to perform this equation to get your maximum heart rate: 220 – Age. Mine is 186 beats per minute. (There’s other formulas out there, but using them I get pretty much the same total.) Now, your target heart rate is supposedly between 60-80% of this figure. The lower end of this range burns more fat and the upper end is more for cardio training. I shoot for 110-120 BPM. At the time of writing, this is basically a brisk walk: 3MPH at a 3.5oincline.

I’m guessing that because I’ve been a vegetable for so long my heart rate is high (blood pressure is normal though!) My Resting Heart Rate is 84-87 BPM. Yikes.

I’ve given up on the elliptical machines for the time being because once I add any reasonable amount of resistance, my heart rate skyrockets to 160+BPM and without resistance it’s just annoying to use.

Now, my big issue is that every article in every magazine or website throws around that you should should shoot for 600 calories per treadmill session. At 3MPH/3.5o incline this will take me 4 hours, according to the machines. Fuck that.

So here’s what I’ve been doing, feel free to offer advice. I abandoned all this confusing crap and do what feels right. I walk on the treadmill for about 10 minutes when I first get there to warm up a bit then head to the weight machines and do a few reps on a couple machines, usually sticking to either my upper or lower body each day. I’ll do a machine or two, then go back on the treadmill for a half hour or 45 minutes, then go a few more machines. I’ll stick to arms/back one day and then legs the next. I’ve been mixing them a bit, but generally I’m keeping to that routine. I’m kind of feeling out the place but I’ll be doing more once I get more comfortable. Free weights look fun, but I’m afraig I’ll hit myself in the head or drop them on my foot.. I’ll just watch the cute guys use them for now.

I can say in all honesty that I feel better than I have in months, so I’m using that as my motivation and I’m avoiding scales like they were all vaginas — there’s no way I’m going near the things.

I laugh every time I think of Carlos’s comment that I’d feel like I have polio for two weeks… so true, but it’s kind of nice to actually FEEL some of these muscles in my body for the first time. :)

Don’t worry, I’m not going to turn Q&L into some weird gym diary, but I wanted to let y’all know I’m actually going! :)