I need a drink. Or sushi.

Today I had the pleasure of helping a customer who is what I call a “mumbler.” If I ask a mumbler a simple question, like, “what port are you using for your outgoing mail server?” they’ll proceed to mumble nonstop into the phone, informing me of every button they click and the content of every window that pops up. They’ll tell me every port they’ve ever used since they first set up an e-mail account in 1995. They let me know every person that walks in the room and every thought that crosses their mind.

This time, while configuring an iphone’s e-mail settings, the flood of consiousness was suddenly interupted:

Her: “Oh my god! my screen just went blank.”
Me: “The screen is blank?”
Her: “My settings are all gone.”
Me: “They’re gone or the screen is blank?”
Her: “The screen went blank, all white. Totally blacked out.”
Me: “It’s all black or it’s all white?”
Her: “My settings are all gone. They’re all empty.”
Me: “Are the settings all empty or is the screen all blank?”
Her: “It’s all blacked out, they’re empty. I don’t get it. Oh my god. Oh my god.”

Ultimate Pickup Line #103

Saturday night at Omega, sitting at the bar:

Creepy Old Man: “I find you very attractive.”
Me: “Thank you.”
Creepy Old Man: “I like stocky nerdy types with little dicks who like to take it up the ass.”
Me: (…)
Creepy Old Man: (…)

In the past this guy has walked up to me out of the blue and said things like:

Creepy Old Man: “Your English is very good. You speak very clearly.”


Creepy Old Man: “It doesn’t matter, but do you have a boyfriend?”

Last year he was talking to me and being his usual old, creepy self so I told him I was there with my boyfriend. He asked who my boyfriend was so I said “him” and pointed in the general direction of my friends Tadd and Keith. I gave them the please save me look and Tadd waved me over towards them. I told Tadd what had happened but Creepy Old Man never came over. Later that night I was talking to someone else and Creepy Old Man walked over and barked at me: “THAT. WAS NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!” He then stomped off to his tomb on the other side of the bar. For months after that, he’d see me out and would say something like “Where is your ‘boyfriend’.. TONIGHT?”, complete with Creepy Airquotes(tm). Other times, like last night, he’ll give no indication that he recognizes me.

It’s hysterical and terrifying at once – like the old Tales From the Crypt series on HBO except in this episode the Crypt Keeper wants to get in my pants.

Stressful weekend, finally over

I’m finally in the new apartment with @MarkDC and @DCBrent. I met them on twitter about a year ago and we’ve turned into really good friends since. Although I’ll miss living with Alberto it’ll be refreshing to live so close to Dupont Circle with two queens. :)

I’m actually a little excited to be thrust back into gayness again after living with Alberto for the last two years. But, it’s not like I magically appeared in the new digs, room all set up and cats happy. With the help of the roomies, new and old as well as @Jase11 (who did an extraordinary amount of lifting, go you!) I managed to get moved Saturday afternoon and mostly unpacked by Saturday evening – in time to pass by the Eagle for a little while and see some friends.

This morning I’m exhausted and starving. My body aches from the hairs (not) on my head to the nails on my toes. I want nothing more than to rip the head off my care bear bubble bath and soak the majority of the day away and then eat until I pass out.

Sounds like a plan.

I was good last night though so I’m not hungover on top of all this — I played a very terrible game of pool with Mark, Chugs and Daniel then left a little while after that. Home by 1, asleep by 2.