I’ve had this idea for a year or so to compile all of the songs that have somehow effected me in one way or another, and burn them to a CD – a sort of soundtract to my life. It sounds cheesy, but I thought it make a cool xmas present or something.

I’m trying to think of songs that I’d use. Here’s the list so far.

Murder of One – Counting Crows
I was sitting in the bath tub one day in 1994, crying. I was 265 pounds. I had more issues than People Weekly. I was miserable. Bottomed out in the self-esteem department I guess. I wasn’t contemplating anything drastic, but I was definately having a pity party; and no one brought dip.

In my left hand was my best friend (no not that, you pervert), my bright yellow indestructable Sony “Soort” Walkman. In it, playing, was August and Everything After by the Counting Crows. I had listened to this album a hundred thousand times before, but suddenly Murder of One was about me.

There’s a bird that nests inside you
Sleeping underneath your skin
When you open up your wings to speak
I wish you’d let me in

All your life is such a shame, shame, shame
All your love is just a dream, dream, dream

Open up your eyes
You can see the flames of your wasted life
You should be ashamed
You don’t want to waste your life

I walk along these hillsides
In the summer ‘neath the sunshine
I am feathered by the moonlight falling down on me

Change, change, change

I was ashamed. I was wasting my life. Only I could change, change, change. It was up to me. In the next few months I lost almost 70 pounds, and accepted aspects of my life that I couldn’t until then. I’m still far from having the moonlight feather me, but I’m definately spreading my wings.

Ants Marching – Dave Mathews

Take these chances
Place them ina box until a quieter time
Lights down, you up and die

Whenever I’m afraid to exit a role, or take a chance, etc.. These lyrics pass through my head. I’ve always been afraid of death; of growing old; of my own mortality. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still afraid of roaches – no song lyric will inspire me to stay in the same room with some vile 3 inch long winged pest – but I took my first “real” job after a 4 hour Ants Marching marathon. :)

More to follow.